Shit my mom says/does

As you may or may not know, my mom is slightly cray-cray. I suppose it germinates from a combination of paranoia, cluelessness, and a lack of rational thinking. It is mostly frustrating, and at times, results in hilarity. Here are some of the ridiculous things she’s done or said, taken from my Twitter feed.

2013-10-26 Had an awesome lunch + shopping session with Lauren Fleming.
I got a few things from Mango and mom asked me what that was.
I said it’s a brand.
She replied, no it’s a plane.
… Yes mom, it’s also a fruit

2013-10-25 Told my dad about the awesome fillet I had…. and he asked me what kind of fish that was. :|

2013-09-26 Bought an awesome one shoulder dress today, and mom asked where the other sleeve was . . . *sigh*

2013-09-15 My mom is so uncultured she eats sushi without soy sauce, gets surprised at the hot wasabi, and uses chopsticks with a fork

2013-05-20 Mom wanted a Facebook account. Dad said “what for? You don’t have any friends”

2013-04-28 Driving on sea point main road. Droplets of rain on the wind screen. Mom asks if it is from the ocean :/

201303-24 teaching my mom how to send an sms. she keeps asking how to get rid of all the “white space”

2013-02-09 Mom spelled her own name wrong on a transfer slip and blamed my dad for not proof reading it.

2013-01-27 Mom is sitting in front of the washing machine watching it spin. Again.

2012-12-25 Picked up my eye-liner package and asked what I was doing with a thermometer.

2012-12-24 Watching Xfactor with the folks. Camera turns to Britney Spears, mom comments: “wow, Madonna’s aged quite a bit” :/

2012-12-09 My mom thought the packet of microwave popcorn I just bought was a slab of chocolate. . . (?????)

2012-11-28 Won a diary at chick flick. Came home, mom asked why I have a Bible in my bag -_-

2012-11-28 Lady Gaga comes on TV. Mom asks: “is that Bond?” dad goes: “it’s ga-ga”. This is why my dad is cooler than mom.

2012-10-06 My mom thinks she knows all about style. . . Yet she calls Lacoste “Crocodile” -_-

2012-10-06 Went to New Balance to look at running shoes. Mom asked why Nike’s logo changed from a tick to an “N”… #sigh

2012-09-25 My mom handed me my computer’s power cable and said: “take modem, here” lol

2012-09-21 Mission Impossible comes on TV. Mom goes, “Ooh, 007” -_-

2012-09-02 My mom loves saying her actions out loud. But instead of saying “open file” she says “open fire”. . .

2012-08-30 Helping the folks register for efiling (again) and for the ‘fav hobby’ security question, my mom put ‘walking’. . . Lol

2012-08-30 Asked my mom for a sweet and she handed me a tampon. Wtf.

2012-08-30 While cleaning my room, my mom found the promotional tampon I got a while ago. She thought it was a sweet and placed it in the fruit bowl

2012-08-01 Mom: been going through your bank statement. Me: … Mom: you short on cash? Me: just got paid. Mom: I give you R10k emergency food money

2012-07-15 Teaching dad how to register for eFiling. Mom asks if the fields must be filled in with a pencil. @_@

2012-01-17 every time someone comes to view the house, my mom hides all the phones & watches in a shoebox then covers it with a towel #overkill

2011-12-22 When my internet gets buggy or slow my mom thinks the telephone has a virus :x

2011-12-18 So according to Mom, the Blackberry is now the Blackmerry ~_~

2011-12-11 I’m replying to an email from a guy. Mom sees an ad in the sidebar and asks if the guy in the ad is the guy I’m emailing.

2011-10-27 neighbour came over to ask to use the phone & my mom thought she was here to sell me cocain.

2011-10-26 Black girl comes on TV. Mom asks if she is “Houston Whitney”.

2010-12-25 On Typing Tutor Pro: My mom keeps on saying “Do you wish to exist?” instead of “Do you wish to exit?”.

2010-06-14 my mom just compared using a computer to using a microwave… :(


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